Why Do Old People Get Mean? Know More About Your Old Parents - Elder VIP (2024)

Sometimes it seems like elderly people are always angry, and not just because they can’t operate the TV remote. If we’re being honest, TV remotes these days are far too complicated, even for the young and “tech-savvy.” But there’s a reason you smiled at that image as well as the many “old man yells at cloud” memes floating around the internet – angry old people are a real thing.

But why do the elderly become so mean? Problems with physical and mental health that affect cognition frequently also affect behavior. The way that this affects an elderly person’s behavior depends on where in the brain the loss of neurons is happening. Please keep reading.

Table of Contents

Why Do Old People Become Cranky?

There are many different things that can lead to behavioral changes in old age. Some of the factors leading to rudeness in old age are:

Hormonal Changes

Beginning around the age of 40 for men and 50 for women, there is a decline in testosterone and estrogen, which can both cause depression and mood swings. While women tend to cry and vent to friends, men mask their depression with anger, leading us to the “get off my lawn!” cry associated with the elderly.

Alzheimer’s Or Dementia

Memory loss and cognitive impairment can undoubtedly cause rage and frustration in seniors, which can result in them acting out in front of others. If you are worried about dementia, talk to your doctor because some of this is fortunately treatable with medication.

Vision Or Hearing Loss

The inability to see or hear as well as they once did is another factor contributing to old people’s irritability. You would be cranky, too, if you had to say, “what?!” every time someone tried to talk to you, or you couldn’t see the hotties in your favorite TV shows continue as before.

Depression

The more change you go through as you age, the more difficult it can be. The loss of loved ones, the inability to drive or take care of oneself, and the loss of one’s home are all situations that frequently affect the elderly and can cause depression.

Anger and emotional outbursts can result from depression. Make an appointment with a doctor right away if you or a loved one is experiencing depression. Aside from other therapies, there are medications that can be helpful.

Why Do Old People Get Mean? Know More About Your Old Parents - Elder VIP (1)

Tips For Coping With Mean Elderly Parents

Schedule Regular Doctor’s Visits

As we get older, illnesses like malnutrition and dehydration affect us far more severely. According to some research, eating poorly can cause Alzheimer’s to develop more quickly, earlier in life, or at the very least, the disease’s symptoms may worsen.

You might not understand where the demanding behavior is coming from if it seems to suddenly start or fluctuate. Your elderly parent may become angry due to both physical and cognitive issues. To lessen the negative behavior, you might need to treat the illness with a healthy diet, therapy, or medication!

Look For The Trigger Of Bad Behavior

Do you ever wonder how to handle your elderly parents’ difficult behavior?

Do they appear to be indifferent one second and irate or frustrated the next?

Caregiving for difficult elderly parents can be difficult, but it can be useful to look for patterns in their behavior.

Just before their mood changed, what was being talked about? What tasks or responsibilities did you ask them to complete that they couldn’t do on their own?

Knowing what causes undesirable behavior can help you tackle the issue head-on. You have two options: either you start a conversation about it and reach an agreement together, or you can establish ground rules, as we’ll cover below.

Set Ground Rules

We may occasionally find ourselves in uncomfortable, embarrassing, or even dangerous circumstances as a result of dealing with demanding elderly parents. We might discover that our parents are acting inappropriately in front of our kids, making a scene in public, or engaging in abusive behavior at home.

Setting ground rules can assist in helping caregivers deal with difficult elderly parents.

You should consider establishing ground rules that include a strike system and be clear that you will not tolerate this behavior. For instance, you might threaten to do their grocery shopping without them if they make a scene at the store three more times.

Remember that establishing ground rules primarily works when the parent purposefully engages in childish behaviors in order to obtain what they desire.

These demands and guidelines might not register if you’re caring for elderly parents who suffer from dementia or another memory-affecting cognitive disorder. Contact a behavioral specialist who can offer you some guidance in this situation by speaking with your parent’s doctor.

Why Do Old People Get Mean? Know More About Your Old Parents - Elder VIP (2)

Encourage Exercise And Socialization

Your parent may be acting difficult and demanding because they are depressed or angry about their diminished independence. If they lose some physical capabilities and have their driver’s license suspended, many elderly people have a propensity to become more sedentary and asocial.

Some questions you can ask yourself to diagnose a lack of exercise or socialization in your elderly parents include:

  • Does my parent go outside and work out?
  • Still, communicating with their friends and neighbors?
  • Do they continue to go to church or club events like they used to?

If the answer is a resounding “no,” you may need to intervene.

Exercise and social interaction both help the brain release crucial neurochemicals that are in charge of feelings like happiness, contentment, and more. It might be best to meet up with friends or family for lunch every Saturday and go for a few weekly walks.

Enlist Professional Help

In our experience at Commonwise Home Care, many family caregivers have informed us that, despite their parents’ need for assistance, they do not want their assistance. Especially if neither parent nor child is able to express their emotions fully, this can be upsetting for both parties.

Sometimes it can seem impossible to manage difficult behavior in the elderly, especially your own parent.

The truth is that your parent might be acting inappropriately out of embarrassment or shame. They may be concerned about burdening you because it is not easy for them to see the roles reversed in any way.

If so, it might be time to hire trained caregivers to provide care at home. It can make your parents feel better to have a third party nearby to handle tasks like housekeeping and grooming.

The breakup of a personal relationship is one of the most difficult things for a family caregiver who is taking care of demanding elderly parents. You and your parent might come to the realization that your visits have changed from being social to being necessary, which can result in emotional distress and resentment.

Regaining the relationship you need and deserve can be accomplished by hiring a professional caregiver.

Attention: Seeking Behavior In Elderly Adults

It’s possible that the answer to your question, “Why do seniors act so cruelly?” is simply that they want or need attention. Elderly people might feel lonely, have low self-esteem, or be envious of their social life.

Their desire for attention may come across as anger, just as it might in the case of a young child who is unsure of how to express themselves.

The key is to try to approach dealing with an angry elder from a place of empathy and compassion, even though this is admittedly not always easy. Keep in mind that they aren’t being sourpuss or cruel because they don’t like you or want to offend you.

Be kind and attentive while listening. It’s not fun to get older. Hopefully, you too will grow old at some point, and you will probably want someone to be considerate and caring toward you as well.

Why Do Old People Get Mean? Know More About Your Old Parents - Elder VIP (2024)

FAQs

How to deal with mean old people? ›

How to Communicate With Difficult Seniors and Older Adults
  1. Exercise Patience and Compassion. It goes without saying that patience and compassion are often needed when dealing with the elderly. ...
  2. Ask Instead of Order. ...
  3. Ask Instead of Assume. ...
  4. Use “I” instead of “You” Language. ...
  5. Offer Choices Whenever Possible. ...
  6. Set Consequences.
Dec 7, 2014

How do you deal with a nasty elderly parent? ›

18 General Tips for Dealing With Stubborn, Aging Parents
  1. Be persistent. ...
  2. Avoid power struggles — pick your battles. ...
  3. Be sensitive. ...
  4. Know that timing is everything. ...
  5. Stay calm. ...
  6. Seek outside help — for yourself. ...
  7. Spend more time with them. ...
  8. Ask questions.

How to deal with grumpy old people? ›

Focus all of your attention of the conversation. Make the older person feel like you really value what they are saying. Make sure to make eye contact. Paraphrase what the elderly person is saying.

Why do parents get meaner as they get older? ›

Some older parents may show signs of anger or irritability as they experience mental and physical changes. These behaviors are often caused by physical disease, or cognitive decline due to Alzheimer's disease or other forms of dementia. These conditions can make seniors feel irritated, anxious, and helpless.

How do you deal with an aggressive old person? ›

At the time
  1. Before you react, take a deep breath, step back to give the person space and take some time. ...
  2. Although it can be difficult, try to stay calm. ...
  3. Make sure you are safe. ...
  4. Give the person plenty of space and time. ...
  5. Try not to shout or initiate physical contact – the person may see this as threatening behaviour.
Aug 13, 2021

How to deal with arrogant seniors? ›

Speak with them privately about their behavior.

Explain how some of their behavior or comments make you feel, and see if you can reach a compromise in the workplace. For instance, you can say, “I really appreciate your friendliness, but it feels like you're talking down to me whenever we have a conversation.”

What should you not say to an elderly parent? ›

5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Aging Parents
  • “The house was a mess last time I was there. You need a housekeeper.”
  • “You're too old to drive. It's time to give up the keys.”
  • “You already told me that.”
  • “You shouldn't live alone anymore. It's time for assisted living.”
  • “I can't believe you missed that appointment.”

How do you deal with older family members that disrespect you? ›

How to deal with a family member that disrespects you
  1. Establish boundaries with clear communication. Setting boundaries with effective communication serves as a cornerstone for nurturing respectful and healthy relationships. ...
  2. Use “I” statements and active listening. ...
  3. Stay firm in your boundaries. ...
  4. Seek professional support.

Why is my elderly mother so angry with me? ›

The aging process is not easy. It can spark resentment in seniors who are living with chronic pain, losing friends, experiencing memory issues, and all the other undignified things that come with getting older. Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia can also cause these behaviors.

Why am I so impatient with my elderly mother? ›

Witnessing your parents' physical and cognitive decline can be heartbreaking. It also makes you face your own mortality and fears of your own future. Ask yourself if it's your parents' behaviour or your own sadness and anxiety that's causing you to become impatient. Then start identifying what triggers your impatience.

How do you live with someone who is always grumpy? ›

Seven smart strategies for dealing with moody people
  1. Try to be understanding. Some people are simply going through a difficult time. ...
  2. Take a break. ...
  3. Stay calm. ...
  4. It might be best to consider removing the person from your life. ...
  5. Avoid falling into the trap. ...
  6. Learn to ignore the negative mood. ...
  7. Address the behaviour.

Why do people get meaner with age? ›

Hormonal changes. First, our dopamine levels decline as we age, making elderly people susceptible to dopamine-deficient depression. It's also well known that declining estrogen levels during menopause, along with resulting physical changes can cause women to experience irritability, sadness and anxiety.

Why does my grandma so mean all of a sudden? ›

Cognitive Decline & Dementia

Cognitive decline can cause aging adults to have sudden outbursts of anger. Symptoms of cognitive decline include memory loss and difficulty understanding basic information.

Why is my elderly mother so negative? ›

There may be several reasons that a senior parent expresses negativity, including underlying physical and mental health conditions, as well as daily challenges related to aging.

How do you deal with bad elders? ›

Get some fresh air, do something you love or call a friend to vent. Elders often reserve their worst behavior for those they are closest to, like family members. In this case, it may be beneficial to hire in-home care or consider adult day care.

What to do when an elderly person gets angry? ›

How to Handle an Angry Outburst from an Elderly Parent
  1. Take a deep breath. Try to remember that this is not abuse or aggression toward you.
  2. Adapt. ...
  3. Remain calm. ...
  4. Don't show anger, fear, alarm or anxiety. ...
  5. Speak using a calm, reassuring voice. ...
  6. Acknowledge the senior's feelings. ...
  7. Maintain eye contact. ...
  8. Distract.
Dec 1, 2023

How to stop being rude to elders? ›

Avoid name calling, cursing, sarcasm, and raising your voice above all else. Try to approach the discussion as a mature adult so that you will be treated as such. Avoid statements that start with "You," like "You always," and "You never," which can sound like accusations and make people defensive.

Top Articles
Latest Posts
Recommended Articles
Article information

Author: Nathanael Baumbach

Last Updated:

Views: 5560

Rating: 4.4 / 5 (55 voted)

Reviews: 94% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Nathanael Baumbach

Birthday: 1998-12-02

Address: Apt. 829 751 Glover View, West Orlando, IN 22436

Phone: +901025288581

Job: Internal IT Coordinator

Hobby: Gunsmithing, Motor sports, Flying, Skiing, Hooping, Lego building, Ice skating

Introduction: My name is Nathanael Baumbach, I am a fantastic, nice, victorious, brave, healthy, cute, glorious person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.